


Burden of the Heart

by NixieBeck (BlackWingsofLucifer)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Past Relationships, Reader Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-02 06:38:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11503821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackWingsofLucifer/pseuds/NixieBeck
Summary: After a string of failed relationships the reader finally realises that her heart is closer to home. As the middle Winchester sibling the boys help Castiel confront his feelings for their sister.





	Burden of the Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback always welcome! Thanks for reading guys ~

The way he looked at you made your stomach flutter, your heart skip a beat, your chest twist painfully into little knots. Your brothers knew you had a soft spot for the angel, they were also fully aware that Castiel had a fond spot for you in his heart. Even though you had known Cas for several years now your feelings for him had intensified. It started out as a platonic relationship between the two of you, you drifted from one failed project to another trying to maintain a sense of normality in your hectic life by dating hunters, heck even normal run of the mill guys. It never worked, it always ended in failure trying to keep long distance alive through text messages and passes through town when you and your brothers were on a case. All communication always ceased to exist. Every. Damn. Time. **  
**

One evening you sat perched on the couch, a glass of whiskey in your hand. You recent relationship endeavour had ended exactly the same way, three weeks of radio silence and a changed phone number on the other end. You heaved a heavy sigh into the tumbler and took a sip of the remaining amber liquid. It burned your throat on the way down but you were past caring. Your mind began to fog at the edges, until a flap of wings sounded signalling a familiar friend during your hour of need.

Castiel took one look at you realising you were alone. He took a seat next to you and sighed, grabbing a glass off the side and pouring himself a glass of whiskey.

‘Woah there, bad day at the office?” His actions caught you off guard but you chucked at his antics.

He chugged back the alcohol, coughing and wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his trench coat. His face plastered with a look of disgust but he took another swig regardless.

“I don’t understand. They won’t listen to me?” Cas’ deep gruff voice sounded on edge.

“Who the angels? Because they’re all dicks. Well, you aren’t but you get my point.” You poured yourself another drink.

“They can be so… immature and naive at times, it’s like herding cats.” He stared angrily at the floor.

“Great analogy buddy but I think you just need to try a different approach.” Cas removed his gaze from the floor to look into your eyes. He offered you a warm smile before taking the last gulp and placing the glass back on the table.

“I’m sorry, I was being selfish by invading your privacy to talk about myself. What’s got you so down?” He nodded his head towards the alcohol which was dwindling fast.

“Same old, tried having a normal life and it ignored me. Again. I’m starting to think I will spend eternity alone.” Castiel looked confused.

“Life ignored you?” His dominant eyebrow cocked at your choice of words.

You let out a sigh. “I was seeing a hunter from Iowa, but he stopped talking to me weeks ago, he’s either dead or not that interested in me romantically, story of my life. Like I said, I’m going to die alone.” You let out a pitiful laugh as you tried to convince yourself there was no truth in your words. Unfortunately you were a hopeless romantic like your younger brother Sam.

“That’s not true, you have your brothers, you have me. None of us will leave you alone. You’re beautiful and intelligent, you’re a fierce hunter, any man would be lucky to have you.” Your chest felt heavy, looking into Castiel’s sky blue eyes suddenly the penny dropped, metaphorically speaking. Your breathing stopped, the world felt as though it were drifting further and further away from your feet. You acted on instinct, Cas’ magnetic pull had you shifting on your seat until you had leaned forward to peer at him even closer.

Two sets of heavy boots echoed in the hallway signalling your brothers return. They barged into the library where you had taken residence for the evening. They cast a glance at the angel that sat leaning forward, his elbows propped onto his knees, the close proximity of his posture to yours. Dean’s smile tugged the corner of his lips upwards into a smirk.

“Cas,” he greeted. Dean’s green eyes fell on the bottle of whiskey, the two glasses adorning the old wooden table. “This looks serious,” he laughed grabbing a glass. You narrowed your eyes at your brother.

“Yeah I just got dumped. Again.” You silently hoped your brother would be a little more sensitive and accommodating.

“That guy was a douche bag, he had a shovel for a chin.” It wasn’t sensitive in the slightest, but you let out a squeaking laugh. The guy did have a large chin, and his hands were small for a tall guy…

A few weeks later the four of you had tracked the blazing hot trail of death that lead to Indiana where a coven of black magic witches were wreaking havoc on the local populous.

One of them had hit you with a fire spell in the stomach, it had burned you intensely and split you open like a hot knife through butter, you were bleeding profusely from the impact.

Sam and Dean were in another room they didn’t see what had happened to you, they only heard Castiel’s pleading and desperate voice as he picked your shaking body up in his strong arms, carrying you from the cottage to safety as he performed his healing on you. You regained your consciousness, still feeling weak and dizzy from the event.

You were crushed into the angel’s embrace, his hand cradling the back of your head. You didn’t quite remember what had transpired, only that you had been hit.

“Don’t ever do that again!” Cas barked in your ear, still holding you close. “You jumped in front of me, why?!” His voice was demanding but shaking around the edges. You couldn’t give him a honest answer, you body acted of its own accord. You saw the line of fire and you jumped.

“She would have hit you.” Was your weak reply. Your hands hung limply on his back, he still hadn’t let go as seconds ticked away.

“You Winchesters…” his trembling voice softened as his embrace tightened further. “She almost killed you…” Your fingers dug into the fabric of his beige trenchcoat, balling the fabric into your fists.

“But she didn’t. I’m sorry Cas. But I’d do it again.” He finally pulled back from you, his hands wrapping atop your upper arms to push you back, he looked deep into your e/c eyes, you swore you could see heaven in those glittering orbs of his. Nothing was spoken from his lips, he said it all with a saddened gaze.

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again; moments passed in what felt like eternity before he finally began to speak, “I -” he was cut off by Dean rushing towards you both, Sam sprinting behind with worried expressions.

“Y/N!” They shouted. “What happened, we heard something and then Cas running like a madman out of the house, are you alright?!” Sam knelt down beside you studying your burned clothes.

“Nothing Castiel couldn’t fix,” you offered with a weak smile before the world fell apart beneath you, you slumped but your angel caught you, cradling your body as he hauled you to the impala.

Cas’ acts of kindness only made you fall deeper and deeper for him. Never in your life had you felt something like this, but every single time Castiel got too close to you, pushed the platonic boundaries of your relationship he would reluctantly back away or disappear.

One day you heard Dean growl under a low whisper as he addressed Castiel.

“Cut the crap Cas, I know how you feel about her, stop messing her around with your rules bullshit, since when did you start obeying those dicks with wings? As far as I see it we’ve done them so many favours they owe us some form of blessing. Go talk to her.”

“I can’t Dean, I don’t expect you to understand and I know you won’t, so I’m begging you not to say anything. She wants a normal life, I can’t give her that no matter how I feel.” You could hear your brother let out an angry growl, you knew exactly what he was doing without having to round the corner to bear witness.

“You son of a bitch, do you have any idea how bad my sister has had it? Our father dragged her into this life, she will never have a normal existence and deep down you know that, you’re scared. Scared that for the first time in your life you are in love and it’s with a human. Don’t lie to me I can see straight through you.” You knew that Dean had grabbed the angel by the scruff of his collar as Castiel looked pitifully at the man before him.

“You’re right Dean, but I’m sorry. I won’t bring harm to her by being with me.” A burning sting etched away before your heart felt like it was consumed in a flame of black and empty nothingness. You backed away from the wall and dragged your feet pathetically down the hall, slamming your bedroom door.

Months had passed since you had overheard the two. Not a single word had been spoken about it, the following day Dean had eyes you in the war room with a look of regret plastered on his face. The next time you saw Castiel he refused to look at you, his jaw was square and defiant, refusing to give in.

You had gone about everything the same way, hunting and killing monsters, the family business. Dean and Sam never mentioned Castiel in front of you. They had obviously conspired behind your back.

One night you and your brothers had the liberty of freedom for a day after cracking another Wendigo case, it has gone without any hiccups; the first time in a long while. The three of you celebrated with alcohol mostly thanks to Dean’s suggestion and surprisingly high spirits. Dean was trying to chase a number of waiters, Sam sat in a booth chatting away to some pretty little thing with glasses, she looked like the typical beautiful but secret book nerd type. You sighed into your glass. A charming voice lifted the air. “Well well, Y/N Winchester. How’s it going?” You recognised the face but you couldn’t remember where you had seen this man in front of you before, you stared dumbfounded at him for a moment.

“You don’t remember me do you?” He let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his head. You took in his figure, burly and well sculpted, his eyes a deep forest green framed by dark hair and a slightly out of place orange beard that remained well trimmed.

“Toby?” You quizzed. Hoping your memory served you well. He nodded triumphantly as he took a seat next to you, his frame causing the stool to quake beneath his muscular physique.

“What’s your poison?” He nodded towards you drink, you gave him a bashful smile.

“Whiskey, neat.” He gave you an approving smirk before ordering two.

“So what brings you to these parts? I think I can guess, if the barn out by the old stables was anything to go by it looks like you and your brothers took care of business”

“That asshole had it coming, yeah we took care of it, this was Dean’s glorious way of celebrating, and by that I mean he chases tail to get lucky while I drink myself into oblivion.” Toby laughed at your obvious annoyance with your brothers.

“Some things never change do they?” He gulped down half of his glass in one swift chug. The two of you conversed for what seemed like hours, Dean finally scored, wondering out with one of the waitresses who had finished her shift. Sam looked as though the stars had fallen as leaned over a book, chatting with animated glee with the young girl.

Toby was a good distraction from the pain blistering inside of your soul, he was attractive, a little older than you but he was just what you needed tonight. You couldn’t face spending one more night alone thinking of Castiel.

“Would you… like to go for a walk with me?” You stared dumbfounded for a moment before you hopped off your chair, downing the remainder of whisky and slamming the glass in the countertop.

“Sure, let’s go.” Toby grinned from ear to ear, the pair of you made for the exit, rounding the corner and strolling casually down the lonely dark road, illuminated only by the sparse light of street lamps every few hundred yards.

“So how long exactly has it been?” Toby began, breaking the silence between you both.

“Three years? I’m surprised you remember me, Sam and Dean are usually the victorious poster boys. I’m merely a background figure.” You stared off into the distance, recalling just how unimportant you felt.

“Who could forget your smile?” He grinned. You were an absolute sucker for a guy who complimented you in any way. “No way I could forget the girl who singlehandedly killed my fiancé and left me all alone…” his voice took a dark twist, his eyes turned black, his white teeth flashed danger at your retreating form.

“You took everything from me,” he spat, “and now I’m going to take everything from you,”

‘Your fiancé?” You questioned, searching your mind. “Shit.” You muttered, sudden clarity struck. You had killed the witch who lived not far from where you were currently held up. She had muttered something about getting revenge when her demon lover would find her dead. You had been the one to knife her after she attacked Sammy.

There had been a scuffle and all three of you high tailed it out of there fast, she was most certainly dead so you left her to her fate.

The demon was now occupying someone you had met while passing through town at that time, he was the owner of a mechanical shop where Dean had taken baby to be fixed.

“You little bitch, you’re going to pay, and then I’m going to cut your brothers into pieces and finally I’ll be rewarded by the king.” You scoffed at this statement, reaching for you knife but you weren’t quick enough, he threw himself at you, knocking you backwards into the road. His sheer brute force overpowered you in an instant, you couldn’t cry for backup this time, you were on your own.

You twisted fiercely under him trying to force him off but to no avail. His knife was held above you, ready to plunge into your chest. You closed your eyes waiting your end.

It never came.

You heard a squelch, a grunt and then suddenly the weight was pried off you. A hand reached out to you, a blur of of beige attacked your senses, you quickly grasped the hand offered to you, it wrapped strongly around your palm before you were pulled up and onto your feet.

“Are you okay, did he hurt you?” That silky deep voice, you knew that rich baritone anywhere.

“Cas,” you breathed. Suddenly you were pulled into his arms.

“I’ve tried to fight it.” He groaned, his hand finding the back of your head to hold you into his shoulder, his other hand finding the small of your back. You remained silent, not wanting to interrupt this sudden outburst. “Seeing you leave with that man made me hurt in ways I’ve never felt before. He almost killed you. Y/N, I’m sorry.” His grip on you tightened. Finally you returned the embrace, you hadn’t realised you had been crying until the fabric beneath you felt soggy. Your body began to shake uncontrollably.

“Castiel…” your voice was rough and hoarse as you whispered softly into his shoulder. The beautiful angel before you loosened his grip to stare into your pain torn face. His expression darkened at your state.

“I did this to you…” he whispered.

“No, I did this to myself. I thought I could forget what I heard that day… forget what you said to Dean as though you were wrong… I still believe you are, we’ve fought so many things together and we are still here. I’d rather cherish whatever time I have with you as something more than friends than awkward allies forever longing for each other.” You blurred it all out, you couldn’t keep it to yourself any longer.

‘Y/N…” you were waiting for his to reject you again. “I can’t live a day any longer with this burden, I am irrevocably in love with you, heaven be damned I can’t deny it anymore and I won’t keep lying to myself or you.” His thumb traced the span of your cheek, wiping away the tears that refused to stop falling. “Please forgive me.”

You couldn’t find the words, your heart was pounding so hard in your chest you were certain it was going to give out at any second.

“Kiss her dumbass!” Dean’s words of wisdom echoed through the streets. You both let out a laugh as you heard the impala’s engine rev down the road. Normally you would have scolded Dean for driving under the influence but at this precise moment in the universe, you hadn’t a care in the world. You turned your attention back to the celestial being before you, smiling sweetly.

His hand guided your face to his, his soft lips covered your own in a sweet chaste kiss, but the passion soon heated a flame beneath the surface as his kiss deepened. Neither of you wanted to part from the other in fear of waking up from a dream.

Eventually your lungs betrayed you, pulling your mouth reluctantly away from his, he rested his forehead on your own.

“I forgive you.” You softly spoke, “I love you.” And like that your cares melted away, you were gone, falling into the abyss of love that accompanied the sensation of feeling complete with an angel who had pledged himself to you.


End file.
